1.26.2013

Dollar Signs

Is it taboo to talk about money? 

**because even if it is, I'm going to do it anyway.  I have to get it out, or I'm going to go a little crazy.

I made the mistake of looking at house plans the other day.

I thought we were getting close to our goal.  I am so sick and tired of living in a basement apartment (that doesn't even have a kitchen) and feeling ashamed when people come by because I have two kids and am still "mooching" and don't have a house yet and all my friends do. 

Then I fall into the trap of "If only."  If only we hadn't had kids so early.  Then I could have worked too, and we could have had two salaries.  If only we'd graduated from college when the economy was still good.  If only I hadn't spent so much on clothes during college!

**however, I will admit to myself that if I had waited to have kids, then I wouldn't have gotten to hear Jackson sing "If you're happy and you know it shout hurray!"  He yells, "OO-RAYY!!!" at the top of his lungs.  But then, Cade reminds me that if I had waited to have kids, then I would have had to experience a complete meltdown because I wouldn't give him a whole entire pancake with Nutella on it, after he'd already left one pancake completely untouched.  

It's so hard to wait.  I'm frustrated and tired of it.  I am very much guilty of telling myself, "I'll be happy when..."

And I can't seem to stop it. 

Even though I know that I'm missing out on the happiness that is there, right now. 

And honestly, is God going to turn me away from heaven because I didn't live in a 4,000 square foot home that was featured in magazines every 6 months? 

Now that down payment looks so far away.  I'm thinking of becoming a medical transcriptionist, teaching violin or piano lessons, really dedicating myself to an Etsy shop, babysitting, writing a children's book, anything, to get us closer and out of here sooner.

Because I think it will make me happier.

Stupid money.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I totally understand! My hubs and I live in an (unfinished, with no kitchen or laundry room) apartment with my parents while we try to save for a house. That down payment looks so far away sometimes, it's easy to get down about it.

Chin up! Someday you'll get the house of your dreams and my chuckling at this blog post.