Victim Syndrome

Aaron is reading this book

Step 1 or Habit 1, is what started our conversation on the way back from Hairspray

**it was 11:00 pm, way past my bedtime.  I'm surprised that a coherent conversation was still possible, let alone a "heartfelt conversation".

Step 1 is to be proactive.  To realize that we are a product of our choices, not a product of our circumstances.  Victor Frankl in his book, "Man's Search for Meaning" talks about learning that in the concentration camp during WWII.  His attitude toward his circumstances determined how he felt and reacted to them.

That was all nice and good until we started delving.

I know that so many times I blame how I feel based on someone else or something else.  I have issues with my body because my dad offered me money to lose weight, because my mom told me I shouldn't/couldn't eat something, because I never got asked on dates when I was fat, and because the media tells me that I should look a certain way.

But really, playing the victim, all it does is take the responsibility for change away from me, and put in right on someone else's shoulders.

**this is one of those things that is easy to realize, but hard to implement.  Maybe if I write it often enough, I'll actually want to change it.

**and then I struggle with not being sure if I really want to change it.  I guess I'm afraid that if I think I look good, I'll let myself go.  Like the negative attitude about myself is what keeps me from becoming what I'm afraid to become.

Then if I'm the victim, its no longer my fault that I am the way that I am.  Its A, B, C, D, all the way to Z.  And until A, B, C, D, etc change, then I don't have to do anything.  I can stay the way I am.

So when Aaron bothers me, or I lose my patience with Cade or Jackson, or when I'm angry or feeling fat, Stephen R. Covey and Victor Frankl and other smart people say that its because I'm choosing to be.

Dang it.



**I'm missing volleyball today to take Jackson in for his doctor's appointment.  I tried to reschedule, but the next available spot was in September.  People really need to stop seeing the same doctors that I do.
**Michaels had 2 16x20 canvases on sale for $5.00.  Score.