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| Aug. 2008, 174 lbs |
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| Jan. 2012, 130 lbs |
(obviously my hairstyle hasn't changed in 3 1/2 years)
I have lost 60 lbs since December 2006. I weigh 130 lbs and have a BMI of 19.2. I wear a size 2/4.
I should be happy.
I should look at myself and see this gorgeous thin body that I have wanted to have all my life.
But I don't.
I never understood how my little sister could look in the mirror and see fat. She was the flyer for the cheerleading squad and weighed maybe 100 lbs wet. I hated her
(I didn't really HATE her, I just hated how thin and beautiful she was. It always hurt that she got all the boyfriends and I just had the boy friends)
The thing is, I used to see a beautiful, thin person. Right after I lost all the weight, I couldn't stop looking in the mirror because I was just so proud. So happy. So confident. I finally felt like I belonged in my family of beautiful skinny girls.
And then....
I guess I got used to it. And I don't know how to not be used to it anymore. My head tells me that I'm thin and that people would kill to look like me, but I don't see it
(I'm not asking for compliments on how skinny I am or how great I look. I think I'm trying to say that I finally understand how even skinny people can have body issues)
I am addicted to the scale. The number it shows dictates how good of a person I am. I know that's not true, I know it's wrong, but I can't stop. I'm too afraid that if I stop weighing myself everyday I'll find myself back to where I was 5 years ago.
And here's the kicker. While I want to change my image of myself, and feel good about myself, I'm scared that if I do, I'll just let myself go.
11 comments:
You are beautiful!!!! Do not change a thing about yourself. Seriously... don't change ANYTHING....
throw your scale away.
Oh, Rachelle. You are so beautiful, in both the pictures you posted here. Really, just toss the scale.
I always thought you were so pretty - before, during and after weight loss!
I've always had problems with body image. I've been thin and heavy - and felt huge either way. I think the time that I felt the best about myself was when I was just healthy. I knew that I was eating well - and not skipping all treats, but not over-indulging - that I was in shape, and that's what mattered.
I think these other girls are right - drop the scale. Just take care of yourself. Establish healthy habits and then you can know that the size you are is healthy - which is good enough.
All of that sounds so cliche, but I've been there too - still there, actually! It's something that I think we'll always have to work on.
Ok. We are girls. I swear we are born to compare ourselves and never be satisfied. HOWEVER, this does not make it right.
You are smart and beautiful. Always have been, always will be.
You know how to eat right. You know and do exercise. Throw that dang scale away and DO NOT get a new one. Try to find other things to occupy your mind, like a new hobby, and work on perfecting that instead of standing on the scale, looking in the mirror trying to find imperfections about your perfect body.
You will be contacted next week for progress and I expect an honest (and correct) answer when I ask you if you still have the scale in your house.
Hey this is Chelsey Cook Alderete. Just so you know you were an awesome example to me in high school. I admired you. You looked great in high school and you look amazing now! I understand the younger sister thing. The twins were skinnier than me and had bigger boobs. It was not fair:) I have no great advice for getting over the scale fear. I just thought I would drop you a note and let you know that I still think your awesome.
Suggestion:
Get a motorcycle. It will seriously solve all of your problems.
oh my oh my oh my. where do i start?
i don't want to turn this comment into "i'll tell you all about me". so if you want the full deets, come on over to my house for a chat.
i used to obsess over the scale after my 2nd baby (i'd never owned one before!) and i had lost the weight. like, weighing myself 10 times a day. so then, i took it outside and took my hammer and broke it into a million pieces. i'm not joking.
prayer has been the only help i have. because when i'm skinny i feel fat and when i'm fat i think i look better than i actually do. it's a viscious circle.
i'm happy to report that i do now own a scale again and only weigh myself once a week.
I agree with what everyone has said. Throw the scale away.
When you don't think about losing weight and all that stuff, that's when you do. When you're thinking about it, it's hard to see and notice a difference in your body.
I think you are gorgeous.
My frosh year at BYU, I was so caught up in avoiding the "Freshman 15" (that my brothers so kindly told me I would gain and more), that I developed an eating disorder. I would eat nothing and work out non stop. Even after passing out at work, I still didn't recognize I had a problem. Fortunately, I was enrolled in a nutrition class. After tracking and recording my food intake and exercise, I knew something was wrong. I'm definitely not saying you have an eating disorder. I'm just saying that in my relatively severe case of poor body image, the only thing that helped me was reminding myself that I was a child of God and He loved me. Nobody liked me more or less because of the weight I lost. I had distanced myself from my Heavenly Father because I wasn't taking care of my temple. Every day I would remind myself of my infinite worth and write in my journal. Just remember that you are a beautiful daughter of God, no matter what your weight, size, shape, color, hair -- no matter what. God loves you. I love you too!
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