*we read the Ensign conference talks on even days, E=even, and the Book of Mormon on odd days (there's O in all three words, O=odd). We also trade off who says prayers that way. There's an "e" in my name, so I get even days, and an "o" in Aaron's name so he gets odd. I like that way of doing it, because on days 31 and 1...hahaha.
Back to the actual subject
The first three paragraphs really floored me, and I can't condense them for you at all, so you get to read all three
"I heard President Spencer W. Kimball, in a session of conference,
ask that God would give him mountains to climb. He said: “There are
great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome
that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, ‘Give me
this mountain,’ give me these challenges.”
My
heart was stirred, knowing, as I did, some of the challenges and
adversity he had already faced. I felt a desire to be more like him, a
valiant servant of God. So one night I prayed for a test to prove my
courage. I can remember it vividly. In the evening I knelt in my bedroom
with a faith that seemed almost to fill my heart to bursting.
Within
a day or two my prayer was answered. The hardest trial of my life
surprised and humbled me. It provided me a twofold lesson. First, I had
clear proof that God heard and answered my prayer of faith. But second, I
began a tutorial that still goes on to learn about why I felt with such
confidence that night that a great blessing could come from adversity
to more than compensate for any cost."
That morning, as I knelt down to say my own prayers, I started wondering, "Am I ready to pray for a trial? And am I ready for it to be the hardest trial of my life?"
Honestly? No.
I thought at first that it was because I didn't have enough courage. I told myself that I had the faith in God, but just not the courage.
But as the day progressed, I realized it really was a lack of faith. I didn't believe my Heavenly Father when he says that "a great blessing could come from adversity
to more than compensate for any cost". All I could think about is what I had to lose.
It scared me.
Because I did pray for it. Last night.
And then I was up all night, imagining the worst things in the world that could happen to me. And then trying not to imagine them because I didn't want to give Him ideas. And then I felt terrible and prayed and said I take it back! I'm not ready! I'm not President Eyring material!
Here's the thing though. I want to want to become better (yes, read that several times, and then it will make sense), and I know that trials are an effective way of teaching us. And I know in my head, that my Heavenly Father is right outside the door, and would not require me to go through any trial that I didn't need to go through.
But my heart doesn't.
And that's the hard part, the merging of the two (or as I like to call them, the boy part of you and the girl part of you. Boy part=logical, rational. Girl part=illogical and emotional. Both parts=necessary to be a human being.)
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