Red

If any of you have ever taken the color code personality test, then me telling you that I am a red will make sense.

I'm bossy.

I like to have things "my way" or its "the highway"

I get things done.  And fast too.

I HATE feeling slowed down.  Aaron is not allowed to touch me while I'm doing things, especially when I'm cooking. 

I'm pragmatic.

And a teensy little bit stubborn.





Cade is my mini me.

Heaven help us.


side note: Today he insisted that Jackson wear Cade's red shirt.  When I put it on, he clapped his hands and said in a really high voice, "OH!  Really cute!"

 

Cade flying a Blackhawk.  We start 'em young here.  

He works hard too

I get stuck in this mentality of thinking:

"I have the worst job in the world.  I wish I got to leave and go to work and then come home and only have the kids for a couple of hours with a helper around before they went to bed."

Aaron went on a trip to Washington state last week.  He was gone Sunday through Thursday.  I spent the whole time thinking, "He owes me big."

We got into a fight on Saturday.  It was a "I do more than you, therefore I deserve to be treated better.  You have no idea what I go through."

You know those types of fights.  The selfish ones.  Where no one wins.

This week I'm trying harder to understand that Aaron's job is hard too.  That I get a two hour break in my day when the kids take a nap.  That I don't have to get up at 5:30 in the morning to drive to Vegas for some accounting classes and not get home til 6:00.  That I can work out whenever I want because I don't have any place to be, rather than giving up my "me time" in the evening to do it. 

I get to sit outside in lovely 80 degree weather (can I just say that we can finally sleep with the windows open because it gets down to 50?) and read a book on my kindle while my kids throw pomegranates in the air or push each other in the stroller.  He's sitting on his bum all day, staring at a computer screen.  I'm playing volleyball or coaching soccer.

Hopefully I remember that the next time I'm thinking that he needs to do more.  Because its probably more likely that I need to do more and be less selfish.

Email

So this is what Cade's been doing when he tells me:

"I'm just going to check my email really fast"

I have no idea how he found that background.

Probably from Tim Burton's dream or something.

Life After High School

Last weekend was MVHS's homecoming. 

We played our "arch-rivals" Virgin Valley and easily handled them. 

**except I must give them props for an especially creative sign I saw which was, "The best of blue and gold is green." 

My sister Danielle is a senior, and was voted as one of the Homecoming queen candidates. 

It brought me back. 

Back to my senior year.

**no, I wasn't homecoming queen.

I thought I would be.

Everyone that I knew came up to me saying, "I voted for you!"

**usually, when you can get at least 6 people to vote for you including yourself, you're golden.  Especially as a senior, when you have 6 chances to be homecoming royalty. 

I expected it.  Was expecting to hear my name announced. 

I didn't.

I heard my sister's instead.

**we are 18 months apart, and very similar in looks, personality, and abilities.  I always felt that as the older of the two, I needed to be better.  In everything.  Except cheerleading.  She could have that all to herself. 

I had never been homecoming royalty.  And I was okay with it, as long as my sister wasn't either.  This year, was her first year on the float. 

I was crushed.

All my insecurities about not being enough.  Pretty enough.  Popular enough.  Nice enough.  Just enough...seemed magnified.

To make it even worse, the crowning of the royalty happened on my 18th birthday. 

I got to sit in the crowd, playing my trumpet in the band (hello, again, magnifying my loserness) while my sister walked out in a pretty dress announcing to all the world how wonderful and how much better she was than me.

**I know she never thought that.  I, in my own mind with my own fears, put that image on her.

The very next year, she was homecoming queen. 

I was still so angry and bitter about it. 

Fast forward 6 years, and my little sister is again a homecoming queen candidate. 

Nothing.  No insecurities, no worries, nothing.  Just genuine happiness that she wouldn't have to feel the same feelings of doubt about her worth as I did.

**but she still did.  I guess there was a campaign going to have all 3 Danielles as homecoming queen candidates.  She felt the only reason she was picked was because of her name.  Grass is always greener.

The wake up call for me was the high school ends.  And (hopefully) insecurities and fears and feelings of inadequacy associated with high school end too.  (new ones take their place but...c'est la vie) at least we don't crown homecoming moms.  Gah.  Can you even imagine?

Anti Skinny Dipping

Jackson really really really wanted to take a bath.  I walked into the bathroom to check on Cade and this is what I found. 

Apple Picking

I was doing so good writing in this blog...for about a month, and then my gung-ho-ness fizzled.

Back on the wagon.

We went and picked apples in the middle of September.  I spent the next week canning applesauce and pie filling.  I'm slightly proud of all the jars, but also feel like the amount of time I spent, I should have gotten millions of quarts, instead of only 21. 

 Don't let Jack Jack's clean face fool you.  He was all over this picking apples and playing in the dirt thing.  Except he thought they were balls...and tried to put rotten ones in our bucket. 

Cade loved the paddle boat they had. 

Fear

When I was in high school, I loved to read the news.  I would pick up the paper, grab a snack, and devour it (snack & paper). 

Yesterday, I was reading about the economy, what happened with the American ambassador, the Chicago teachers strike...and it was really scary.

In high school, I wasn't scared.  Life was grand.  Because all I had to worry about was myself, and even then, not even that.  My parents always had money, ergo, I was fine.  Nothing was going to happen to me.

Now I read about how if our current spending continues, in 2020, we will be at 200% of debt ratio to GDP (just for comparison, Greece is at 150% and has declared bankruptcy).  My head knows this can't keep happening.  And 2020 is only 8 years away.  That's not far enough for me to be sure that I and my children's children will be dead and so I won't have to worry.  I'll only be 32.

I wish the teachers striking in Chicago could step back and look at themselves.  They're protesting that their average $74,000 salary can't stand to handle not having guaranteed 4% payraises, even though there is no money for those pay raises.  And heaven forbid that it actually be possible to fire teachers and grade them based on student performances.  How many of you have ever heard of a teacher being fired?  (besides for having sex with a student).  Shouldn't they be?  Any other profession will fire you if you are incompetent.


**I do not mean this as a rant against the teaching profession.  I know that teachers have a hard job.  I know.  But that still doesn't change the fact that teacher's unions are keeping students out of school for 2 weeks now while they protest that raises should be guaranteed when there is no income to fund the raises.  It's ridiculous. 

I start to go a little into panic mode at this point.  And I have to remind myself.  I am promised, that if I am doing everything right, living right, striving to become better, that I will be okay.  Now, I don't know what okay means.  My definition of okay is different that God's I'm sure.  But, I will still be okay.  And I have never looked back and wished for something different than for what I've been given.

When Aaron lost his job in Arizona, I was freaking out.  Applying for jobs.  Crying.  Wondering how I was going to feed my kids.  Where we were going to live.  What we were going to do.  The day after he lost his job, I was driving home from grocery shopping and a song came on:

"God said it, I believe it.  Tis all that faith demands.  Though heav'n and earth shall pass away his word will stand."

I thought, "Aaron followed a prompting.  He did what he was asked.  We're doing what we're supposed to.  Everything is going to be okay."

So while my news reading has definitely decreased, when I feel the urge to freak out and feel like the sky is falling, I remind myself that I and my family will be okay....eventually.  And it will all work out.  And I won't regret a thing.