Life After High School

Last weekend was MVHS's homecoming. 

We played our "arch-rivals" Virgin Valley and easily handled them. 

**except I must give them props for an especially creative sign I saw which was, "The best of blue and gold is green." 

My sister Danielle is a senior, and was voted as one of the Homecoming queen candidates. 

It brought me back. 

Back to my senior year.

**no, I wasn't homecoming queen.

I thought I would be.

Everyone that I knew came up to me saying, "I voted for you!"

**usually, when you can get at least 6 people to vote for you including yourself, you're golden.  Especially as a senior, when you have 6 chances to be homecoming royalty. 

I expected it.  Was expecting to hear my name announced. 

I didn't.

I heard my sister's instead.

**we are 18 months apart, and very similar in looks, personality, and abilities.  I always felt that as the older of the two, I needed to be better.  In everything.  Except cheerleading.  She could have that all to herself. 

I had never been homecoming royalty.  And I was okay with it, as long as my sister wasn't either.  This year, was her first year on the float. 

I was crushed.

All my insecurities about not being enough.  Pretty enough.  Popular enough.  Nice enough.  Just enough...seemed magnified.

To make it even worse, the crowning of the royalty happened on my 18th birthday. 

I got to sit in the crowd, playing my trumpet in the band (hello, again, magnifying my loserness) while my sister walked out in a pretty dress announcing to all the world how wonderful and how much better she was than me.

**I know she never thought that.  I, in my own mind with my own fears, put that image on her.

The very next year, she was homecoming queen. 

I was still so angry and bitter about it. 

Fast forward 6 years, and my little sister is again a homecoming queen candidate. 

Nothing.  No insecurities, no worries, nothing.  Just genuine happiness that she wouldn't have to feel the same feelings of doubt about her worth as I did.

**but she still did.  I guess there was a campaign going to have all 3 Danielles as homecoming queen candidates.  She felt the only reason she was picked was because of her name.  Grass is always greener.

The wake up call for me was the high school ends.  And (hopefully) insecurities and fears and feelings of inadequacy associated with high school end too.  (new ones take their place but...c'est la vie) at least we don't crown homecoming moms.  Gah.  Can you even imagine?